I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
