Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
