There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
