no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
