im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
