someone threw a dead crab at me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
