I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
