Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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