I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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