once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
