He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize