i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
