He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
