Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
