The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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