Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
