Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
