i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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