I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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