idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
