I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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