Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
