Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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