Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
