my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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