So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
