dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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