i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
