Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
