chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
that is very illegal...i love you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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