I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
