So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
