Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize