Small penises have feelings too.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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