Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize