Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
