Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
