I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
