Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
