I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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