Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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