i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
