READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
