Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
