i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
