Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
