Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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