Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
