Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
