just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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