A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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