he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
