I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
