Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
