What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Boobs speak an international language.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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