I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
