I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
