Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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