The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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