I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
