He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
