My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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