LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
