We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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