I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
