Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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