what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
