I wish I could punch you in the face.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
